A STEP FROM HEAVEN

LESSONS

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Loving parents want the best for their children (so that the children don’t have to go through the same struggles that the parents went through).

 

“We are going to Mi Gook so you can have the very best education. So someday you will be better than a fisherman’s wife. Uhmma holds out her hands. Look at my rough hands. Do you think I always had hands like these? Do you want to end up like this?” (12).

 

However, to make ends meet in America, Uhmma and Apa have to work multiple jobs, and it’s implied that Uhmma had to sell her wedding ring. 

 

“Uhmma’s hands worked hard to make sure our hands would not resemble hers. It takes only a glance at our nails, our knuckles, our palms to know Uhmma succeeded. Joon and I both possess  Uhmma’s lean fingers, but without the hard, yellow calluses formed by years of abuse from physical labor. Our hands turn pages of books, press fingertips to keyboard buttons, hold pencils and pens. They are lithe and tender. The hands of dreams come true” (146).

 

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A culture shock can be hard to adjust to.

 

• Young Ju has a paternal aunt (Gomo) who has lived in California for awhile with Uncle Tim. Young Ju can’t believe how different their house is from her family’s house in Korea.

 

“There are so many rooms. All of the floors are covered with a warm white blanket that is soft on my feet. And the rooms do not have rice paper doors but a big piece of wood like the stores in the village. Everyone in heaven must be very rich to have so many blankets and wooden doors inside the house. …This room has a funny seat with pink fur on it. Soft. I wonder what kind of animal in Mi Gook has pink fur. I sit on the fur seat. There is a fat ball of snowy paper stuck on the wall. When I pull on the end, it rolls out like a long tail of smoke” (18).

 

• Young Ju doesn’t like how the carbonation of Coca-Cola burns her throat. When her classmates ask her if she likes doughnuts and apple cider, she can’t answer them (since she’s never eaten/drank that before). 

 

• When Young Ju goes to her 1st grade class, she’s surprised how everyone looks different (with many different hair colors she’s never seen before). Young Ju is also confused about what people are saying (since her family doesn’t speak English in their household). Over the next few years, she still struggles with slang (since she can’t easily look that up in the dictionary).

 

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People always feel the most comfortable speaking in their native tongue.

 

“Even though Gomo has been here for a long time, her English is not that good… Speak Korean, Gomo says. She likes to talk Korean at our house because in her house Uncle Tim wants only English. He wants Gomo to learn how to talk nice to his family. Gomo says speaking English all the time makes her head hurt” (38).

 

“I do not understand why I have to speak Korean at home so I will not forget where I come from. Why move to America if I am to speak English only at school?” (47).

 

Young Ju sometimes has to help translate things to her parents at various places (such as at the Immigration Services Center). Apa and Young Ju had to wait in a long line for the information booth to find out which line to get in for renewing Young Ju’s green card (since she was turning 13). At first, Apa made it sound like they needed a new green card (so they were given a ticket for the wrong booth). But Young Ju knew that she had to clarify the situation (and they were then given the ticket for the right booth). Because Apa can only take so much time off work, miscommunications are extra frustrating.

 

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After Uhmma gives birth to a baby boy (Joon), Young Ju doesn’t understand why boys are preferred to girls in Korean culture. 

 

“Someday, Apa says, my son will make me proud.

 

I can be president, Apa, I call out.

 

Apa’s eyes are back home. Pointing at me. He laughs. You are a girl, Young Ju.

 

Yuhboh, Uhmma says. Leave her to dream. Do not be so harsh.

 

Uncle Tim picks me up. ‘Young Ju,’ he whispers into my hair, ‘in America, women can do almost anything men can do.’

 

His words do not make the hurt in my heart go away. The cut of Apa’s laugh is still open.

 

…The worm’s eyes are shut tight. Why does he get to be president? I am the one who is stronger and bigger” (32-33).

 

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Young Ju gets jealous of how her little brother gets more attention and better treatment than her.

 

• She doesn’t get picked up by her mom as often (because now she’s not the baby of the family).

 

• Her brother gets away with things that she would get in trouble for.

 

“[Gomo] tickles [Joon Ho’s] chin until he laughs so hard he throws up some milk. If I throw up milk I get a head thump from Uhmma. But since it is Joon Ho, great first son, he only gets kisses for messing up the carpet” (37).

 

• Young Ju lies to her 1st grade class that her brother died (so that she can be showered with warm fuzzies, have people share their LifeSavers with her, and be given scratch-and-sniff cards from her teacher (which are usually reserved as rewards for perfect scores on spelling tests). When the school sends flowers to her home, she further lies that the “sorry for your loss” note is because she came in 2nd place at a spelling contest.

 

• Apa lets Joon slack off when he and Young Ju are supposed to be cleaning the car.

 

“Playing with bubbles is work? When I was Joon’s age, I had to help Uhmma and Apa as much as I could. I had regular chores like folding laundry and setting the table” (48).

 

• At the fair, Young Ju is jealous that Joon got a balloon but not her. She tries to convince Uhmma to buy her a balloon too, and when that doesn’t work, she tries to convince Joon to hand her his balloon (to no avail).

 

“I did not mean to win when I threw the penny into the air. This elephant is worth only a penny. Not a whole fifty cents like Joon’s yellow balloon. Besides, a stupid elephant can only sit and stare. A balloon can fly like birds touching the sky… I do not want to be reasonable. I want Uhmma to buy me a balloon even though we have already spent too much money at a place we should not have been. I want to shout and cry, be the baby, not the Uhn-nee” (42).

 

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Young Ju feels embarrassed or ashamed by her family on multiple occasions.

 

• She envies how other families have more money to spend at the fair.

 

“One last time to look at all the things we could not do because we had only one line of tickets. Not a whole roll like John Chuchurelli’s father, who sits on the bench in his blue suit, handing out tickets like tissues every time John and his sister run by” (42).

 

• When Joon pees outside, Apa doesn’t even stop him (since “he’s a boy” and “it’s natural”). But Young Ju worries that people are going to see him and think of their family as strange.

 

• Young Ju has Uhmma drop her off at Amanda’s party far away (so that no one will see their old station wagon).

 

• When her best friend’s (Amanda’s) parents drop Young Ju off home, Young Ju pretends like she lives at a nice house up the hill. They refused to pull away until Young Ju safely entered the gate (which was awkward). But at that house, the grass was greener and the air was fresher.

 

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Young Ju wishes her parents could be more like Amanda’s parents.

 

• The only way that Young Ju was able to convince Uhmma to let her go to Amanda’s party was by telling her that Amanda lended her lunch money (which made Uhmma think that she was now obligated to Amanda). Young Ju’s first tactic of telling Uhmma other ways of how important her friendship was (such as when Amada gave her class notes when Young Ju was out sick) didn’t work.

 

“Uhmma and Apa do not like it that my best friend is an American, a girl who might influence me in the wrong ways. Fast American ways. Supposedly, American girls do not study, they are boy-crazy, and they do not think of anyone but themselves. Uhmma and Apa do not want me to end up like them” (97).

 

• Young Ju enjoys the friendly atmosphere that Amanda’s parents give off at Amanda’s birthday party.

 

“After the chatter of the Doyles, the quiet at the dinner table sounds strange to my ears. I eat my rice and wonder why my parents can’t speak or joke with the ease of Mr. and Mrs. Doyle. Why can’t Apa barbecue and ask Uhmma if she needs help? Or Uhmma tease Apa and then lightly kiss him on the cheek to make sure he knows she was only kidding?” (102).

 

• Young Ju grew up in a poor side of the neighborhood where the police always seemed suspicious of what people were up to. They arrested Apa for drunk driving, so he didn’t exactly have a great relationship with the police. In contrast, Amanda’s dad knows how to joke around with the officer giving out sobriety tests (when they were leaving the award ceremony). Mr. Doyle brags that he is with the two smartest high-schoolers, and the police officer warns them to be careful on the roads due to all the crazy graduation parties.

 

“That was so easy. Mr. Doyle even made the guy smile. In my neighborhood, the police never get out of their cars unless it is to arrest someone or harass them with questions. Usually they cruise the streets slowly, their eyes hard and heavy with mistrust. I never thought they could actually care about other people” (114).

 

• Apa doesn’t even seem to care about Young Ju’s award for having the highest GPA in the entire 9th grade class.

 

“When Apa finally does come home, he covers the entire coffee table with his newspaper. Underneath the scattered sheets, the certificate lies tossed aside like a useless piece of mail. I push away the newspaper and pick up my award. Mr. Doyle’s voice, bragging to the police officer that Amanda and I are two of the smartest kids at Wagner, rings in my head. If only I were his daughter” (116).

 

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Apa abuses Uhmma, Young Ju, and Joon more and more as the years pass.

 

• Uhmma suggests that the family should live at Gomo’s house while they save money, but Apa insists on renting a crappy place. He hits her for questioning his decision, accusing her of always wanting more and better.

 

• Young Ju questions Apa why he needs to use the family car Sunday morning (when her, Joon, and Uhmma usually go to Church), so Apa declares that she’s turning too American. Young Ju is used to openly asking questions at school or with Amanda, but Apa expects her to be a good submissive daughter. When Young Ju refuses to stop being friends with Amanda, Apa beats her.

 

• Joon disobeys Apa when he doesn’t stop playing with Legos when it’s time to go to Gomo’s house, so Apa slaps him. Young Ju helps Joon clean up, but she accidentally breaks Joon’s flag in the process. Joon slaps her in response (showing how Apa’s treatment is beginning to rub off on him).

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Apa may be so depressed and abusive because:

 

• He feels frustrated with adjusting to a new country.

 

• He wants to feel in control of his family.

 

• He’s coping with the news of his mother (Halmoni) passing away, and he feels like a bad and worthless son for not going to her funeral in Korea (even though he thinks Halmoni would tell him to use the money for more important things).

 

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Joon began with so much potential, but not having a good father figure to look up to may be the cause why he falls off course. He skips school to goof off with friends (looking for happiness somewhere), and he’s often rude to Young Ju.

 

“The picture of the little rotten-toothed boy hangs above him. I stare at the picture and then look at Joon’s hulking back. He is tall for his age. The tallest one in the family. Just like Apa and Uhmma thought he would be someday. The son who must make Apa proud. What has happened? Why have his eyes changed into those of someone much older?” (128).

 

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Marriage can make you feel trapped (especially when you were brought up in a culture where wives are supposed to be submissive).

 

• The only time Apa went to a Church service with Uhmma, he called it “punishment”. He doesn’t believe that God can do him any good. Meanwhile, Uhmma tries to be an active member on her own. It would be easier to grow in faith if you had a supportive partner.

 

• When Apa beats Uhmma so badly that Young Ju worries she might die, Young Ju finds the courage to dial 9-1-1. Uhmma initially blames Young Ju and refuses to press charges. But when she later finds out from Gomo that Apa plans to go back to Korea, Uhmma finds the strength to decide to stay in America with Young Ju and Joon and be brave enough to make it on their own.

 

“As Uhmma straightens the clutter of makeup on her dresser, she says, Your life can be different, Young Ju. Study and be strong. In America, women have choices. 

 

I stand up. Stare straight at Uhmma. You have choices, Uhmma” (123).

 

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Despite Apa’s bad sides, he at least used to have some good moments (like when he called himself “the Blob” and tickled little Young Ju and Joon). He also taught them some important lessons.

 

• Apa taught Joon the importance of being strong.

 

“Apa continues, In this world, only the strong survive. Only the strong can make their future. If you cry and whine like a girl, who is going to listen to you? Who? If you talk like a man, fight like a man, you will get what you want in this world” (62).

 

• Apa taught Young Ju the importance of being brave. At the end of the book, we find out that Apa was the one who held onto her in the ocean in the book’s opening so that she could experience the fun of waves.

 

“Somehow he taught you to be brave that day. You loved the waves after that. Never wanted to come out… What dreamers you two were! Pretending to be dolphins, then seals, then ships that could sail far across the sea. Uhmma suddenly turns away from me, looks out the window of our new home. After a moment she says quietly, He was a different man back then. 

 

I trace the faces in the picture with my fingertips. I can barely remember the feel of his arms as he held me tight and asked me to be brave. How scared I was of the waves, of what might be out there.

 

You take that with you, Uhmma says, peering over my shoulder. Take it to college so you can remember how to be brave… And remember, Young Ju. You come from a family of dreamers” (143-144).

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