LESSONS​
Everyone has their own unique gifts.
It would be a shame to die before using/ sharing all those gifts.
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There are two types of worry.
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Toxic worry: Regret, self-doubt, and fear of rejection stops you from completing projects or accomplishing goals
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Useful worry: Foresight of actual potential threats prompts you to make a productive plan and take action
“Thanks to evolution, worry and fear have been wired in our systems for millions of years as a mechanism to keep us safe. To some extent, we need it. Without it, your ancestors would have been eaten by saber-toothed tigers. You would have gotten into cars with strangers who lured you in with candy as a child. You would jump off an outrageously high cliff just to see if you could make the landing. You would enter into business partnerships with someone who stated from the outset, ‘I’m entering into this arrangement with the intention of using you and taking your money.’ You would fall in love with someone who said, ‘I have no intention of ever committing to you’” (24-25).
“Yes, you might be scared. Yes, you may have doubts and insecurities and fears. Yes, you may not feel ready yet. Those things will always be there, reminding you that you care” (79).
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We can achieve the most when we step out of our comfort zone.
Jessica Hagy created a sketch to illustrate this.
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However, Amber Rae would like to expand the first circle to say: “Where the freaking out, over-thinking, second-guessing, self-doubting, AND THEN the magic happens”.
For example, giving a talk in front of a group of people invokes fear. What if you don’t have anything interesting to say? What if you stutter on your words? What if you forget your train of thought? What if the presentation gets posted online and a lot of strangers make fun of you? But if you find the courage to try, then many people can become inspired.
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If you don’t try, you could always be wondering what could’ve happened.
“Moving toward what you care about might look like that first stroke of paint, the first minute of meditation, or hitting publish on the article you keep putting off. It might look like setting a boundary, finally choosing to let go of the relationship that’s destroying your emotional health, or moving on to undertake a big new challenge. It might look like choosing to give less power to the fabricated story in your mind about why you cannot or should not or aren’t ready -- just to see what happens” (77-78).
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Envy can be inspiration in disguise.
Even though you won’t ever be able to change things like your race or height, your envy of someone who is thinner, wealthier, or more accomplished than you can give you fuel for bettering yourself.
Just note that the only person who you should continually compare yourself to is who you were yesterday.
“Beneath your envy is a gold mine of wisdom asking you to listen. It shows you what you want and are afraid you cannot have. It denotes what is oh-so-very important. It’s a stream of inspiration waiting for you to grab hold and dive in. So start paying attention to your envy. See where it’s pointing you. Listen to what it’s trying to tell you. Let it be a call to action that shows you precisely where you must go” (101).
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Anger isn’t always a bad thing. It can be fuel for taking action against an injustice.
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Acting out: Blaming other people and/or throwing tantrums (e.g., punching a wall)
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Acting upon: Creating a plan to change things for the better
“‘Those jerks stole my idea,’ an artist told me after a major brand took her signature piece of work, repurposed it, and started selling it on T-shirts. ‘WHAT THE HECK.’ That was anger speaking loudly, saying, ‘Boundary crossed. Absolutely not okay. Respect your work, and do something about it.’ So she did. She hired a lawyer. She told her community and they stormed the brand’s Instagram feed. They sent the company letters. She spoke clearly and loudly saying -- This is not okay. If you want to use my art, here are the terms. They took down her work, put out an apology, and hired her. That engagement ended up leading to a big break in her career. All because she listened to anger, and she did something about it. She didn’t act out, she acted upon. And there’s a difference” (164-165).
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Don’t just ignore your natural feelings of anxiety, despair, or shame. Name it to tame it, then embrace it.
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When Amber threw temper tantrums growing up, her mom would tell her to leave the room and come back a "happy girl". This taught Amber how to mask her feelings of despair instead of addressing them.
“I went to an art show with the new boyfriend who had reached into the depths of my soul and exposed my cracks. While there, I saw a piece of art that drew me in like a magnet. It was a piece of pottery, shattered and broken and glued back together with gold lacquer. As I traced my finger along its bumpy contours, sharp edges, and soft porcelain exterior, I found myself taken by the object’s unique beauty. The process didn’t hide the cracks, or the fact that the pottery shattered. It embraced those imperfections to create a one-of-a-kind piece of art that was even more unique. That pottery, I learned, was inspired by the Japanese art kintsugi. It’s a process that celebrates breakage and repair as part of the history of the object -- a history to honor and revere, rather than disguise and hide. Kind of like our lives.
While the events of our lives may cause us to crack, shatter, and fall apart, when we tend to our fragile parts, and handle them with openness, love, and compassion, our lives become a unique piece of art that never would have before existed” (213-214).
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