HINDS' FEET ON HIGH PLACES

This book is an allegory of one’s journey to Heaven. The title is based on Psalms 18:33 and Habakkuk 3:19.

“He makes my feet like the feet of a deer; He causes me to stand on the heights” (Ps 18:33).

“The Sovereign Lord is my strength; He makes my feet like the feet of a deer; He enables me to tread on the heights” (Hab 3:19).

After all, deer (and goats) are incredible climbers!

//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

...........................

A girl named Much-Afraid works for the Chief Shepherd (who represents Jesus) in the Valley of Humiliation.

She works hard in hopes of pleasing the Chief Shepherd, and she wishes to one day be like Him. However, she feels inadequate because she walks with a limp, has a crooked mouth, and is an orphan that was adopted into the “Family of Fearings” (who are so numerous and so scattered throughout the valley that it’s hard to get away from them).

In that village, working for the Chief Shepherd is counter-cultural.

“Like most of the other families who lived in the Valley of Humiliation, all the Fearings hated the Chief Shepherd and tried to boycott His servants, and naturally it was a great offense to them that one of their own family should have entered His service” (18).

We can learn from Much-Afraid’s devout habits and apply them to our prayer lives.

Much-Afraid has a habit of regularly going to the outskirts of town to talk with the Shepherd: “To this place she was in the habit of going very early every morning to meet Him and learn His wishes and commands for the day, and again in the evenings to give her report on the day’s work” (18).

So when the Fearings tell Much-Afraid that they want her to marry her mean cousin, Craven Fear, her first instinct is to run to the Shepherd to ask for his advice.

After Much-Afraid explains her situation to the Shepherd, she lifts her eyes to the mountain peaks in the distance.

She expresses her desire to go there, out of reach of the Fearings. The Shepherd comforts her and offers to take her to the mountains, calling that place “My Father’s Kingdom, the Realm of Love. No Fears of any kind are able to live there because ‘perfect love casteth out fear and everything that torments.’” To get there, the mountains “are so steep and dangerous [that] only the hinds and the deer can move on them safely… It has to be, so that nothing which is an enemy of Love can make the ascent and invade the Kingdom” (20).

...................................

The requirements to enter into Heaven are:

The journey requires purification. Much-Afraid’s feet must be strengthened to be like hinds’ feet. At the top, she must bathe in streams of water to wash away her imperfections.

The journey requires consent to lose one’s old identity. Much-Afraid must be willing to lose her old name and nature (in exchange for her new one, which is later revealed to be Grace-and-Glory).

The journey requires true love and desire. When the Shepherd asks Much-Afraid if she has a flower of Love already blooming in her heart, she responds, “I think that what is growing there is a great longing to experience the joy of natural, human love and to learn to love supremely one person who will love me in return. But perhaps that desire, natural and right as it seems, is not the Love of which You are speaking?” (22). Later on, we realize that this natural human love is different from real Love, and when the time is right, the Shepherd must remove the natural human love from her heart so that true Love could thrive there and fill the entire heart. But for now, Much-Afraid explains that she’s afraid of how love requires vulnerability and giving someone the power to hurt and reject her, but she’s ultimately willing to let the Shepherd plant the seed of true Love in her heart. The Shepherd reaches into His bosom and shows Much-Afraid what a seed of Love looks like (which is not what she imagined): “There was indeed a seed lying in the palm of His hand, but it was shaped exactly like a long, sharply-pointed thorn. Much-Afraid had often noticed that the Shepherd’s hands were scarred and wounded, but now she saw that the scar in the palm of the hand held out to her was the exact shape and size of the seed of Love lying beside it” (23). The Shepherd explains that it’s necessary for the seed to be sharp, since that allows it to be inserted quickly and deeply. And after all, “Love and pain go together, for a time at least. If you would know Love, you must know pain too” (23). Nonetheless, Much-Afraid still consents to having the seed implanted in her heart.

...............................

Much-Afraid goes back to the village to “make preparations”.

She learned from the Shepherd that the journey won’t require her to take anything, but she must make closure with her current situation and patiently wait until she hears the Shepherd’s call.

But even with the promise of going to the High Places, Much-Afraid repeatedly allows herself to be overwhelmed with fear.

Luckily, it’s proven that the mere name and presence of the Shepherd can drive out all these fears.

When Craven Fear approaches Much-Afraid and harrasses her, she fails to ignore him or stand up to him. Her visible fear encourages him to continue tormenting her. Once Much-Afraid lets out a scream, “The Shepherd had approached them unperceived and was standing beside them. One look at His stern face and flashing eyes and the stout Shepherd’s cudgel grasped in His strong, uplifted hand was more than enough for the bully. Craven Fear slunk away like a whipped cur, actually running from the village instead of toward it, not knowing where he was going, urged by one instinct alone, to find a place of safety” (27). In response to this saving, Much-Afraid becomes consumed with shame instead of rejoicing in her Savior’s power: “She was overwhelmed with shame that she had so quickly acted like her old name and nature, which she had hoped was beginning to be changed already. It seemed too impossible to ignore the Fearings, still less to resist them. She did not dare look at the Shepherd, but had she done so she would have seen with what compassion He was regarding her. She did not realize that the Prince of Love is ‘of very tender compassions to them that are afraid.’ She supposed that, like everybody else, He was despising her for her silly fears, so she muttered a shamed ‘thank you’” (28).

The next day, the whole Family of Fearings (except Craven) invade Much-Afraid’s cottage. Taking advantage of the fact that people can be most weak when there’s no strength in numbers, they try to guilt Much-Afraid into marrying Craven (and plan to kidnap her once she gets overwhelmed). The Fearings momentarily pause when they hear the Shepherd pass by the cottage, singing the secret signal for Much-Afraid to join Him. But Much-Afraid has a deer-in-the-headlights moment of panic, losing her chance to pursue Him before the Fearings bolt the door and gag her. When Much-Afraid regains consciousness, she gathers the courage to shout for help through the window as loudly as she could. Mrs. Valiant bravely comes to her rescue, as she “was not the sort of person to be the least intimidated by what she called, ‘a pack of idle Fears’” (39). As soon as she threatens to call the Chief Shepherd, all the Fearings bolt out. Mrs. Valiant’s subsequent thoughtful gestures demonstrate the kind of care that we should be giving out to those in need: “Her neighbor saw her safely tucked in, and kissed her warmly and reassuringly. Indeed, she offered to sleep in the cottage herself that night, but Much-Afraid, knowing that she had a family waiting for her at home, refused the kind offer. However, before leaving, Mrs. Valiant placed a bell beside the bed and assured her that if anything alarmed her in the night she had only to ring the bell and the whole Valiant family would be over instantly to assist her” (41).

...............................

Much-Afraid has a hard time sleeping knowing that she missed the Shepherd’s call.

It pains her to think that He might have thought she changed her mind. This dread pushes her to walk alone to the Shepherd’s pastures to see if, by any chance, He waited for her: “Opening the door, she went out into the darkness. A hundred Craven Fears lurking in the lonely street could not have deterred her at that moment, for the pain in her heart swallowed up fear and everything else and drove her forth. …As she went she whispered to herself, ‘O Shepherd, when You said that Love and pain go together, how truly You spoke” (47).

When she gets to the pastures, two undershepherds approach her. They were expecting a malicious intruder but instead “stared in amazement as their lanterns flashed on the white face and frightened eyes of Much-Afraid” (47). They inform her that the Chief Shepherd already set out for the Mountains. Much-Afraid is devastated, but then “it came to her mind that He who understood her so well, who knew all about her fears and had compassion on her, would not leave until He was quite sure that she really meant to refuse to go with Him” (48). She continues walking a bit further towards the Mountains until she found Him. She kneels at His feet and humbly cries, “I am here… and I will go with You anywhere” (49).

............................

As Much-Afraid journeys to the Mountains with the Shepherd, she learns that true goodness doesn’t need validation from others.

She asks the Shepherd what the purpose of beautiful wild flowers is: “It does seem strange that such unnumbered multitudes should bloom in the wild places of the earth where perhaps nobody ever sees them and the goats and the cattle can walk over them and crush them to death. They have so much beauty and sweetness to give and no one on whom to lavish it, nor who will even appreciate it” (53-54). The Shepherd answers, “Nothing My Father and I have made is ever wasted… and the little wild flowers offer themselves so sweetly and confidently and willingly, even though they sang a joyous little song to themselves, that it is so happy to love, even though one is not loved in return… All the fairest beauties in the human soul, its greatest victories, and its most splendid achievements are always those which no one else knows anything about, or can only dimly guess at. Every inner response of the human heart to Love and every conquest over self-love is a new flower on the tree of Love” (54).

Much-Afraid encounters a flower named Acceptance-with-Joy that teaches her that it’s possible to be a ray of sunshine despite being in desolate surroundings. “In a lonely corner behind a wall she came upon a little golden-yellow flower, growing all alone. An old pipe was connected with a water tank. In the pipe was one tiny hole through which came an occasional drop of water. Where the drops fell one by one, there grew the little golden flower, though where the seed had come from, Much-Afraid could not imagine, for there were no birds anywhere and no other growing things” (82).

While climbing upwards, Much-Afraid is in awe of a lonely “blood-red” flower named “Bearing-the-Cost” (aka “Forgiveness”).“Its roots were clamped around by sheer rock, its leaves scarcely able to press outside the prison house, yet it had insisted on bursting into bloom, and was holding its little face open to the sun and burning like a flame of joy” (122). The flower tells Much-Afraid its back-story: “I was separated from all my companions, exiled from home, carried here and imprisoned in this rock. It was not my choice, but the work of others who, when they had dropped me here, went away and left me to bear the results of what they had done… Love helped me push through the crack in the rock until I could look right out onto my Love the sun himself” (122).

.............................

The Shepherd announces when it’s time for Much-Afraid to go the rest of the way with two hand-picked helpers.

“I could carry you all the way up to the High Places Myself, instead of leaving you to climb there. But if I did, you would never be able to develop hinds’ feet, and become My companion and go where I go… I assure you, however, that never for a moment shall I be beyond your reach or call for help, even when you cannot see Me. It is just as though I shall be present with you all the time, even though invisible” (59).

But Much-Afraid is confused why he selects Sorrow and her twin sister Suffering (who have veiled faces) to be her helpers. She protests that she would have preferred Joy or Peace. But the Shepherd reminds her that He knows what’s best for her, better than she knows herself.

..........................

Much-Afraid also gets confused why her path seems to go on detours.

For example, the first time the path started going drastically downhill, she feels like this direction contradicts the Shepherd’s promise of going up. She calls the Shepherd, who explains that “it is not contradiction, only postponement for the best to become possible” (76). These hard times are when she ends up learning the most.

Even though there’s no clear promise as to whether her journey through this dry spell would last for days, months, or years, she lays down her rebellious will and continues on.

..........................

Meanwhile, the Fearings are outraged when they discover that Much-Afraid escaped.

They’re sad that they can’t push her around anymore. And even though they don’t have interest in going to the High Places, the thought of Much-Afraid finding happiness there is unbearable. They figure that they can’t force Much-Afraid to come back (since she’s under the protection of the Shepherd), so they devise a plan to tempt her to come back by her own free will. They send her strong, persistent, attractive cousin Pride after Much-Afraid. When he catches up, Much-Afraid engages in conversation with him (since she’s surprised to not be ignored by him for the first time), and then he takes her “[takes] her hand in a kindly and friendly manner (it so happened that at that place the path was not quite so steep and she had freed her hands from those of both Sorrow and Suffering)” (69).

“Pride could not bring himself to even mention the Shepherd by name” (70), but he tries to instill doubt into Much-Afraid. Much-Afraid tries to let go of Pride’s grasp on her, but once you open yourself to Pride, it’s almost impossible to shake it: “Poor Much-Afraid tried to pull her hand away, for now she began to understand the meaning of his presence there and his bitter hatred of the Shepherd, but as she struggled to free her hand, he only grasped it tighter. She had to learn that once Pride is listened to, struggle as one may, it is the hardest thing in the world to throw off. She hated the things that he said, but with her hand grasped in his they had the power to sound horribly plausible and true” (70).

Much-Afraid takes Pride by surprise when she cries to the Shepherd for help. The Shepherd leaps to her rescue, scaring off Pride. He then gently admonishes Much-Afraid for allowing herself to become susceptible to him: “‘Why did you let Pride come up to you and take your hand? If you had been holding the hands of your two helpers this could never have happened.’ For the first time, Much-Afraid of her own free will held out both hands to her two companions” (72). She finally learns to fully embrace help, even if doing so is unpleasant.

...........................

Later on, the Fearings realize that Pride must have failed in his mission and was too proud to admit his defeat.

So they send their ugly relatives Resentment, Bitterness, and Self-Pity as reinforcements. These characters are much less attractive than Pride (who can give you some temporary satisfaction). When they catch up to Much-Afraid, they bombard her with negativity (even though Much-Afraid made herself less susceptible): “They could never get within close reach, because she kept so near to Sorrow and Suffering and accepted their assistance so much more willingly than before. However, they kept appearing before her, shouting out their horrid suggestions and mocking her until it really seemed that wherever she went one or another popped up (there were so many hiding-places for them among the rocks) and hurled their darts at her… It is exhausting to be assaulted day after day with suggestions like these, and while Sorrow and Suffering were holding her hands, naturally Much-Afraid could not cover her ears, so her enemies were really able to give her a dreadful time” (89-91).

............................

Much-Afraid continues to employ three main strategies when these enemies torment her.

She calls upon the Shepherd to drive them out. When Much-Afraid wanders off while Sorrow and Suffering were sleeping, Much-Afraid “suddenly found to her horror all four of her enemies approaching and closing in on her. That already she was becoming a different person was then quite apparent, for instead of nearly fainting with fright at their approach, although she did look very pale and frightened, she actually seized a stone in each hand and, putting her back against a great rock, prepared to resist them to the limit of her strength. Fortunately the place was too narrow for all four to approach together, but Pride put himself in front of the others and stepped toward her holding a strong cudgel” (91). Pride characteristically puts himself in front since he is the head of all sin. Knowing that she can’t face them alone, Much-Afraid calls upon the Shepherd, who again scares them off. He even threw Pride off the cliff! Much-Afraid asked the Shepherd if Pride was dead, to which the Shepherd answered, “‘It is most unlikely.’ He glanced over the cliff as He spoke, and caught sight of Pride swimming like a fish toward the shore, and added, ‘There he goes, but he has had a bad fall today which he will not forget, and I fancy he will limp for some time to come. As for the other three, they have made off into some hiding place, and are not likely to trouble you again in the same way now that they realize that I am within call” (92). As long as we live on Earth, it is hard to completely detach ourselves from fear for good, so we need to keep fighting the good fight.

She plugs her ears with cotton to block them out. “Suffering opened the little First Aid kit hanging at her girdle, took out some cotton and firmly plugged the ears of Much-Afraid. Although this was uncomfortable, it did seem to have the desired effect, at least temporarily, for when the five sulkers saw that they could not make her hear from them they soon tired of bawling at her and left her alone until another opportunity should occur for badgering her again” (132).

She sings hymns of praise to drown them out. She finds this strategy to be better than the cotton method since she’s filling her thoughts with the good, the true, and the beautiful.

...............................

When Much-Afraid gets to a place that she feels is truly impossible, she doubts her abilities (and the Shepherd’s abilities).

Much-Afraid explains that she knew there would be some difficulty on the journey, but she didn’t expect to be led to something that seemed impossible: “I’m no more like a deer or a goat than is a jellyfish” (113).

But the Shepherd assures her that anything is possible through Him: “I love doing preposterous things… I don’t know anything more exhilarating and delightful than turning weakness into strength, and fear into faith, and that which has been marred into perfection. If there is one thing more than another which I should enjoy doing at this moment it is turning a jellyfish into a mountain goat. That is My special work” (113).

Later on, when Much-Afraid and her companions get to the top, she glances behind and realizes that “the precipice which had looked so impassable was actually behind them” (125).

.................................

Up in the High Places, Much-Afraid (now Grace-and-Glory) overlooks the Valley of Humiliation with a new perspective.

“Suddenly she discovered that her feelings toward her relatives and those who lived down there in the Valley had undergone a complete change, and she saw them in a new light. She had thought of them only as horrible enemies, but now she realized that they were just miserable beings such as she had been herself. They were indwelt and tormented by their different besetting sins and ugly natures, just as she had been by her fears. They were wretched slaves to the natures which gave them their names, and the more horrible the qualities which characterized them, the more misery they endured, and the more we should show them compassion” (222-223).

She asks the Shepherd to help these troubled souls, to which he replies, “I am more than willing to do what you suggest… But, Grace-and-Glory, these unhappy souls we are speaking about will not allow Me into their homes, nor even permit Me to speak to them” (225).