NO TURNING BACK

Our experiences during our impressionable young years can determine our life trajectory.

Don’s mother got married when she was only 18 years old. Her husband (aka Don’s biological father) wasn’t a good role model, and neither was Don’s first step-father. During this second marriage, Don’s mom had to join the Navy to provide for the family, often leaving Don alone in their trailer home with his step-father for long stretches of time. At these times, Don missed his mom, and would watch a lot of TV as an escape. TV fostered his fascination for girls, and when he developed a crush on a girl in real life, he enjoyed the thrill of stealing a necklace for her. As Don grew up, he tried to push boundaries as much as he could (such as going as far as “shouting distance” was when playing with friends outside the trailer home).

After Don’s mother divorced Don’s step-father, she remarried again to a nice Christian man in the Navy (whose last name is Calloway). Even though Don finally had a good father figure in his life, he already developed the tendency to befriend the wrong crowd, no matter where their family moved for his new step-father’s military assignments. At just 11 years old, Don was smoking weed, drinking alcohol (that was supplied by his friends’ older siblings), and looking at pornography. One day, he even accidentally started a forest fire with his lighter and put the firefighters on a wild goose chase for some imaginary culprit (to look like a hero instead of taking the blame).

Eventually, Don got more and more tired of playing a double-life, so he began to be more and more openly rebellious. This included:

Extravagant shoplifting trips

Skipping school so much that his homeroom teacher had thought he had moved

Running away from home without any planning

Abandoning his trashed hole-in-the-wall apartment before rent was due since he didn’t have any money

Flooring the gas pedal to break through a toll gate since he didn’t have any money

Yelling at a friend for pawning his cassette tapes to bail him out of jail (and not repaying the favor to his “disposable” friend when that friend got arrested)

Throwing a huge house party when his parents were away (which caused lots of damage)

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Even if people are introduced to Christianity, they can view religion as merely some kind of formality.

Because Don’s new stepfather was Christian, Don got exposed to baptism and Church. However, he initially didn’t actually believe in any of it. It didn’t help that his rehab counselors were hypocritical “Christians” (by evangelizing in the public eye but talking lustfully about women in private).

“Considering my upbringing, I guess it’s no surprise that I didn’t believe in God. For me, God was the equivalent of the tooth fairy or the Easter Bunny, a myth that so-called Christians made up in order to make children happy. It gave parents an excuse to give their kids gifts once or twice a year and get a day off work. People winked and nodded and went along with the charade, but after the holidays were over, people went on with their real lives. I was convinced nobody really believed in God” (67).

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Don thought that the Church (and his parents) were oppressing his freedom and keeping him from happiness.

“All we really wanted to do was get drunk or high, listen to music, go surfing, and hang out with our girlfriends. What else was there to life, anyway?” (24).

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Rehab is only effective if the person actually wants to change their ways.

“My problem was not something that could be solved by adjusting my sugar intake or even walking me through a 12-step program. I didn’t know this yet, but my problem was a deep wound within my soul. They offered me nothing but a band-aid. // At the time, I certainly wouldn’t have acknowledged that there was a wound at all. Yet looking back on it now, I see that all the therapy they were trying was a secular approach to a problem that was very spiritual and deep” (46).

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The Church can comfort parents who have rebellious children, but it can be difficult to get those children to change their ways.

Don’s mom found comfort in the story of St. Augustine (who had a rebellious past but became one of the great doctors of the Church).

Don’s mom tried to plant prayer cards in Don’s pockets, and even when he showed no signs of hope, she always forgave him and lovingly provided him with food and shelter.

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Eventually, Don realized for himself that his current lifestyle wasn’t giving him fulfillment.

“Despite the fact that I was going nowhere and nothing was working in my life, I just couldn’t seem to change my ways. In fact, the worse things got, the more drugs I did. I was caught in a vicious cycle with no end in sight” (143).

“Between the house-trashing, venereal disease, and my drug use, I was experiencing so many terrible things that my life was becoming all-out darkness. I was nearly 20 years old but didn’t feel like I wanted to live anymore. I wasn’t exactly suicidal, but at the same time, I wanted to press the delete key on my life. // I had experienced every sensual satisfaction one could possibly have with women, I’d heard every kind of music, done every kind of drug, and at times I’d even have money. But in the end, it all seemed worthless. I always seemed to be back at nothing. Life sucked for me, and I didn’t want to go on with the charade any longer” (155).

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When we finally open ourselves up to the truth, it can hit us hard.

While Don was looking for a magazine with pictures, he came across a religious book. Out of boredom and curiosity for what lies his parents believed, he snuck it up to his room. At first he felt confused by the unfamiliar terms, but then he felt comforted that God loves everyone and can forgive everyone (thanks to His divine mercy).

Reading about the Virgin Mary also brought back his feelings from childhood of missing his loving mother. Don now understood how even though Mary herself should not be worshiped (since she merely points the way to Jesus), she can provide comfort to all.

“I found a card in the book that said: ‘If you knew how much I loved, you would cry with joy.’ And there was another card inside the book that had Mary saying: ‘You don’t have to change to love me; loving me will change you’” (164).

“Since I was nine or 10 years old, I had put a lot of different things on my tongue looking for happiness. I had drunk a lot of different liquids looking for that eternal high, something that was more, something that would satisfy me forever. Here was the answer. God!” (176).

“I knew the Church was like a hospital for ill people like me. Jesus was the doctor and the medication” (176).

“God wasn’t taking the band-aid approach with me. He was acting as the Divine Physician and operating on my soul. It was painful at first. But once the spiritual operation was in progress, I realized He was healing me and that He loved me and was restoring me” (183).

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It can be awkward to tell others (especially those who are used to us being one way) about the conversion of our hearts. It also can be awkward to learn the gestures/ prayers at Mass for the first time. But we shouldn’t let that fear hold us back.

We should also do what we can to help let go of our past life (such as cleaning out our room, cutting our hair into something modest, and cutting ties with toxic friends).

Don’s new life pursuit of becoming a priest is a much different lifestyle (since it requires vows of chastity, poverty, and obedience as well as years of living in a community), but Don was willing to make the change.

“I considered myself a poster child for Divine Mercy” (198).

For his first birthday after his conversion, Don even told his parents that all he wanted for his birthday was their forgiveness for all the financial and emotional burden he’s been responsible for over the years.

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Don soon realized that if he’s going to pursue faith, he needs to pursue the entire faith (and not just parts of it).

Like Ben Shapiro, Don doesn’t water down any of his messages (whether he’s giving a homily or having a private conversation).

“The teachings of the Church are black-and-white. And I firmly believed that Catholicism required an all-or-nothing approach. It’s not like going to a buffet where you take a little bit of this and a little bit of that, then reject what doesn’t taste good to you. // The truth hurts sometimes. If we are going to be taught by God, the fisherman, we first need to be captured by Him. And His hook is going to have a bite. Of course it’s going to hurt. The truth hurts when we are sinners and when we acknowledge we are not surrendering to the truth. // And I didn’t back down when it came to worrying if people were offended by the truth of the Church. I was pretty in-your-face about it all. Looking back, I was about as subtle as a bull in a china shop” (188).

“It didn’t take long before I became painfully aware that I was entering the Church at a time when many members were turning away from her teachings because the message is hard — especially in a secular and materialistic world where it is much easier for people to create their own personal Jesus. People aren’t willing to accept objective moral truth, so they fall into moral relativism: ‘I wouldn’t do it, but it’s okay with me if you do.’ A more specific example would be, ‘I wouldn’t have an abortion, but it’s okay if you do” (188).

“Even from the earliest days of my priesthood, I was cognizant of the fact that not everyone wants to hear the truth. So, when you are speaking to large and diverse audiences, there are bound to be a few individuals who don’t appreciate a black-and-white stance on issues like abortion, contraception and homosexuality. In fact, I’ve had people stand up in the middle of one of my homilies and begin yelling at me in front of the entire congregation. // On one particularly memorable occasion, I even had a 50-something woman rush up to me after Mass and take a swing at me. She actually tried to punch me in the face. I recall that my homily that day concerned New Age junk like horoscopes, reiki, and ouiji boards. Apparently, this woman had a son who took great interest in such things. After flailing away at me, she shouted: ‘The Jesus I know is the Jesus who accepts people. He’s tolerant and open minded.’ // I calmly responded: ‘Then you don’t know the real Jesus. That’s not Jesus. That’s the one you’ve conceived in your mind to deal with your experiences in life’” (221).

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Years after becoming a priest, Don took up surfing again and realized that it can be metaphoric for one’s faith journey.

Despite the dangers of stingrays, sharks, large waves that can make you lose control, and underwater reefs that you can crash into, surfing can be a rewarding experience.

“I like to say that Jesus was a surfer because he walked on water. And when I’m surfing, I always get the sense that there is something almost supernatural going on. In fact. St. Faustina in her Diary frequently speaks of plunging into ‘the ocean of God’s mercy.’ Well, in my case, I’m surfing on its waters, experiencing God’s goodness, His love and mercy. // Think about it. When you’re surfing, you are not doing your own will. You are simply participating in something that was there before you were, and it continues to occur whether you are there or not. All you can do is ride the waves, not manipulate them or control them. You are allowing yourself to be taken by the water, although the better you are able to ride the waves, the more stoked you get. In my opinion, no sport provides more of a feeling of joy” (257 – 258).

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When Don shares his story, some kids react by saying they want to be like him by having fun “now” and putting in work “later”.

But that’s missing the point. We don’t want to have wasted opportunities of pursuing what really counts.

Don still faces temptation, so he wasn’t magically “saved” in one particular moment. Pursuing faith is a continual process, but he’s on the right track with no turning back.